I think this is important, so I’m writing it down :)

It’s been a long time friends, and I can’t promise an epic return to blogging. My life doesn’t involve nearly as much time to sit and process and write as it did when I was single and overseas. But, I do want to revive this a bit and communicate some of the things I’m learning and what’s going on… I don’t want to operate under the pretense that a life in another country is the only one worth sharing, so I’m going to share my heart with you for where we’re at. 

Denton, Texas. The one place I said I would never live :) I should have realized how dangerous that statement was when I made it two years ago. I feel like I practically sealed my fate here with that one declaration of dis-intent.

I’ve always wanted to have the cool factor with where I lived or what I was doing… I wanted to be able to answer the question “so what do you do?” with something that sounded really important. Lets get real… South Africa will always sound way cooler than Denton, Texas.
Actually, most places will always sound cooler than Denton, Texas.
(sorry Denton, its just true.)

After looking over my journal for the last year I felt sort of sick. I’ve spent SO much time trying to fill this void of doing “meaningful” things. I found I have yet to fully learn how to separate who I am from what I do. I’ve had an unquenched desire for significance that I’ve been searching for. I couldn’t fill it with new friends. I couldn’t fill it with people I was helping. I couldn’t even fill it with the role of being a wife. So, when I was in a group talking about hearing God tuesday night and we all asked God a “light hearted open ended question” to practice hearing His responses, I dropped the “What makes us important?” bomb. Like it was anything close to light.

I was expecting the, “Because I made you you’re important.” or, “Because I said so.” response. You know, like the answers your parents give you when they don’t know the answer or don’t like your question. But instead God told me that I’d been asking that question since I was a little kid. That it started my lust for purpose, fed my need for acceptance, and planted the seeds of my fears of rejection. I’ve been trying so hard for as long as I can remember to mean something. 

Which is kind of a destructive habit… being motivated by a void in yourself is nothing like being moved by conviction. It’s selfish and hollow. It doesn’t save you. 

So I asked God what I was supposed to do with that. He told me to worship Him when I felt worthless— to constantly turn my thoughts to Him when I didn’t feel good enough. See, I’m not supposed to live to attempt to feel important. I don’t even want to cling to the promises that tell me I have a role or that I mean something. I don’t want to think about myself anymore. I don’t know if I’ll be really free as long as I do. 

You guys read this blog so faithfully while I was in Africa, I want to always be honest with you about what’s going on in my heart. God is doing huge things in my heart, I guess I don’t have to go really far away to find Him.

And that’s where I find myself. I’m hoping my subsequent posts won’t all be super heady… I’ll even put pictures of my freaking cute mini goats on here sometime. I’ll keep you posted. 

Be blessed friends, God is good. 

man i’m finding myself not even quite sure what to write. i feel like i owe you guys a long post because it’s been awhile.

i could give you stories that would blow your mind. people are having dreams and encounters with Jesus. they are recognizing him as the way to God-professing him as their Lord and savior, and devouring the Injil (the gospels). and not just random individuals… groups. families. households.

it’s pretty baller to tell the truth.

i’ve never believed God more. i realized this morning when i woke up that i am absolutely convinced that God wants to reveal himself to people in any way they’ll allow him to. there is no doubt in my mind when i pray for healing anymore. there is no doubt in my mind when i ask Jesus to encounter people in their dreams. i find myself experiencing the deepest freedom from skepticism in that sense that i have ever known.

i read the gospels and they are alive. i get to watch revelation come by the Spirit to my friends here as they read them for the first time. i find myself blessed by their newness of sight and i’m finding myself more and more captivated and in awe of Jesus. believe it or not i am moved so deep in my soul that i’m tearing up as i type this. when i just think about Jesus i tear up. i am watching him come and encounter the lost, the broken, the sick. i am watching him reveal himself to his children who have been seeking for him all their lives but not known where to look. i am so in love with the way that Jesus gives himself so freely. he IS the gospel and the gospel is for all men.

one of the experiences i’ve had in the last week that meant so much to me was a conversation i got to have with 5 young men in a park near our home who have been studying the Injil with one of the guys on my team. this felt like a direct answer to the prayer i prayed in my post on April 19.

when i came to meet with them that day they surprised me by sitting me in the highest seat among them. they asked me to pick a passage to share from the Injil with them. they asked me what i thought it meant and they all listened. it started to rain and one of them held his backpack over my head while we walked until we could all get inside. in this culture where women have to walk 2 steps behind a man and cannot speak unless spoken to, this was insane. to put it plainly, since there weren’t enough chairs and i was the only woman present, culturally i-as a woman-should have had to stand there silent.

[side-note: we have adopted the cultural norms for male and female roles when we operate out in society here. i wear a bibouy (basically a longsleeve, ankle length black dress that goes over my clothes) and a hijab (a head covering). i only converse with women, and i walk behind men. i don’t want any part of my freedom to be a stumbling block for someone who is coming to know the Lord, and i also don’t want to discredit the men i am ministering alongside with by the way i carry myself in public. we have actually had INCREDIBLE favor because of this and so have the men on our team. we have gained them respect in the community for being women who are deemed worthy of respect. this has gotten us invited into the homes of school headmasters, Imam’s (muslim religious leaders), and even members of parliament. it has been so worth it, but i will admit that not only emotionally, but physically on the hot days it probably the highest cost to being here.]

back to the story! once we were under an awning and out of the rain, one of the guys turned to me and started asking me about why i covered my head (they aren’t used to seeing westerners do this). when i explained that it was just to show respect and that i don’t normally cover my head in America i got asked, “but won’t you have to cover your head if your husband tells you to?”

which was kind of a funny question. but it hit me that they had never heard of a marriage where a man and a woman functioned out of mutual honor, respect, and equality. i asked them if i could explain how men and women relate in my culture and they said yes. i got to spend the next 30 minutes explaining what it meant for a man to love his wife as he loved himself and for a wife to honor, respect, and submit to her husband-not because he dominated or controlled her- but how out of love they could consider each other greater than themselves. it helps that my parents are freaking awesome and i could use their marriage as the example the whole time i was talking.

the longer i talked, the wider their eyes got. they looked at the guy who is on my team with me and he told them that this was how he saw things too (which probably held a lot more weight since he is also an african man) and they were speechless. they just kept saying that it was good but that they had never heard anything like this before.

after they thought about it few minutes one of them turned to me and earnestly said, “you… you are such good friend! you love us! you are maybe the best friend we have had. you love all of us the same. men and women, black and white, you love us the same. you do all this (pointed to my head covering and my clothes) just because you love us. i know now this must be so hard for you.”

ya BACK UP – a muslim zanzibari man just said that to me. i wish i could explain how NUTS and NOT normal that is. i got to go on to explain to them that Jesus loved them so much that he had given me his heart of love for them. that it was my joy to show them honor in this way because of how much Jesus loved them.

and in that moment all of heat and all of the sweat and all of the frustration of being a woman in this culture was worth it. our conversation went on as we talked about how God speaks to his children and it turned out that two of them had been having dreams of Jesus since they started reading the Injil. i got to teach them how to interpret their dreams just like we interpreted the parable we’d just read together and they got so excited, which is also nuts because muslims don’t believe that God speaks anymore.

just so you know, this group of young men learned how to pray this week and almost all of them have professed that they love Jesus and that he is who he says he is. he is their savior.

i love my life. there is so much more to come.

i met a woman today who teaches deaf children and i got invited to go and pray for all 40 of her students next week. please be praying with me. Jesus opens deaf ears and deaf hearts, i am SO excited about this door that has opened for his kingdom to come to earth! Jesus is the Lord! please celebrate what he is doing here with me.

oh zanzibar.

i do have to admit, it’s fun to be able to say that i’m on the remote island of unguja off the coast of tanzania that’s part of the zanzibar archipelago. 
yep, zanzibar. where power fine white sand beaches break way to crystal clear turquoise water and ancient looking fishing boats. a land of pineapple and passion fruit, mangos, papayas, and coconuts. the spice island where cinnamon, cardamom, saffron, and vanilla come standard in almost every dish. whose capital, stone town is a maze of cobblestone alleys, huge carved doors, and open air markets where color, spice, and aroma all seem to buzz with the heartbeat of the african tropics…

ok, so maybe i’m romanticizing the place but the views here do sometimes make you feel like the whole world has been photoshopped to look that beautiful. and most mzungus (white people) a.k.a. tourists who only go to the east side of the island would paint that exact picture for you. i will paint another.

this islands richness isn’t found in its spices or its oceans but in its people.

i’ve only lived here about a week and i already have plans with someone different every single day until the middle of next week. these people are warm, hospitable, gracious, giving, and beautiful. i am learning so much from them. i spent about 4 hours with my two closest friends here yesterday who are two students at a university here who are originally from the mainland. they taught me how to cook, dressed me up in their clothes, took me to the beach, and shared their lives with me. we laughed, cooked, sang, and prayed together. they are muslims and i follow Jesus and yet so many things in our hearts are the same.

what many muslims (and most christians) don’t know is how much the qur’an talks about Jesus (who in the qur’an is referred to in Arabic as: “Isa al Messin” or literally “Jesus the Christ”). the qur’an even says to read the injil (the gospels) and talks about how Jesus was sent from God, was born of a virgin, was without sin, and was taken back up to be with God. if you make it a point not to get defensive and argumentative, it is actually really easy to talk about Jesus with muslims because you are important to them, Jesus is important to you, and you have much more common ground than you would think.

i love the people i am meeting here so much. i also am completely captivated and in love with the person of Jesus. so i want my friends here to know him because i know they would love him too. he’s the only one who changes lives. so that’s what i’m doing here… learning as much about this culture and this people group as i can and talking with them about the most treasured thing in my life. i’m here building relationships and growing. i am introducing people to the person of Jesus, not arguing or trying to force cultural conversions. and i love it.

if you’re interested at all about some good books to read about muslims, christians, and Jesus i would suggest: “Muslims, Christians, and Jesus” by: Carl Medearis and “Pilgrims of Christ on the Muslim Road” by: Paul-Gordon Chandler. On the second one I don’t quite agree with all of his theology but i’m learning enough reading it that i would recommend it anyway.

i’ll try to get some pictures up this week, our internet likes to upload files at the speed of global warming so i’ll figure something else out. until then, i love you all.

hey everyone, just wanted to let you know that i made it to zanzibar and i will be putting up a real post asap.

you can follow our team updates (code name the spice island) and all the other cpx outreach updates here:
http://cpxoutreach.posterous.com/
 

warning: this is maybe my most “raw moment” post yet. i actually wrote this in my journal last night and i think for integrities sake i’ll share it with you. this is by no means the widespread mindset here, but it is in a lot of places. please don’t use this post to think anyone ignorant. i’m not sharing this with you to make you feel defensive or to ask you to justify my case, just to be honest with where i’m at and why i’m feeling what i’m feeling today. i actually think it was good to face this here before i went to zanzibar and i’m so thankful for the way the Lord prepares us.

so this post is actually from april 18, 2010 at 11pm.

i had one of my brothers here tell me today that i didn’t have the right to speak to him about something because i was a woman. he said men had different levels of authority from God but that women all had the same authority. and it was always less than any man. this statement led to another and after about 30 minutes i told him i was done talking to him and wouldn’t listen to anything else he had to say.

as usual my hurt masked itself in shock and anger and it’s only now as my fists unclench that i’m aware of how deep that cut me. i just watched a movie to try and placate my mind and i watched two very powerful men fight over who could best protect the woman they both loved. now as i’m sitting here curled in a little ball in my blanket at the back of the prayer shack i’m finding that’s always how i thought it should be. i always thought men protected women because they loved them. because they were important and valuable. not because they were weak or stupid or incapable in themselves. men should protect and fight for women because they honor them, not because they’re on an ego-trip.

i feel like i want to scream that i’m not some dumb sheep you can keep in line because i’m not looking for someone to provide my basic needs and make me feel safe. as if i was insecure enough to think that i wasn’t important enough for God to protect me if i was on my own. i hate how self-defensive this is making me feel, like i need to go prove myself strong enough without the help of any man. i shouldn’t have to fight for my own honor and i know that if i said women didn’t need men it would be a lie, just like if i said men didn’t need women. God made us for each other and i’m not so ignorant as to think that was a mistake.

but it wasn’t meant to be like this. when i walked in this shack i sat down, blurted out a mumbled “God am i really worth less because i’m a girl?” and started bawling like a 14-year old. now i’m sitting here running through all the fancy cusswords i’ll use next time this man talks down to me and i’m tearing up as i realize i’m hardening my own heart towards my friend.

my reaction to his comments shocked him by the way. (i am nothing if not passionate.) i mean our conversation ended with me shoving my dishes at him and making him wash them in some sort of frenzied gender-role act of defiance. he came to me later and apologized for hurting my feelings, he’s never met people who weren’t raised to think exactly like he does so i think my reaction still has him a bit rattled. i apologized for being dishonoring in my response and told him i forgave him. i really do, my fight isn’t with him. there isn’t a softer-hearted more well intentioned bill cosby sweater wearing brother this side of the sahara, and i know he loves me. i’m so angry he’s been deceived and i’m so hurt to find that he’s still found me of so little value in the kingdom even after walking with me for two months now because of the lens he’s been raised to see through.

in 4 days i go to a country where by law a woman is only worth half as much as a man. i don’t think i’m ready for this and honestly i’m slightly terrified at the thought. how am i going to have an impact where my life and words will hold no weight because i’m a woman? what is the point?

i’m now reminded of the difference between power and authority (thank you Holy Spirit.) i’m going to a land where as an unmarried young foreign woman i could not be in a demographic that culturally lent me less power. the Holy Spirit however is the one who gives authority and there is a profound difference. Lord, please bring a release of spiritual authority over the women of my team and the integrity and righteous self-worth to walk in that authority regardless of it being recognized before men. tell us who we are in your kingdom. where we’ve been lied to, speak truth to us. 

—

back to today. i’m feeling better. i feel like it was actually the grace of the Lord that i faced this mindset here before i landed in zanzibar. i guess the only way to open peoples eyes to truth is to love them. you can’t reason someone out of something they didn’t reason themselves into. pray my heart is big enough for this.

hey guys here are some photos from this week:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/48751156@N03/sets/72157623749916653/show/

i only have 9 more days here…

isn’t that crazy?

in ways i still feel like i’ve only just arrived. it’s bizarre to think that i’ll be in Zanzibar for almost as long as i’ve been here. 8 weeks! i did find out this week that we will have internet while i’m there (so long as the island has power the whole time) and communication will actually (hopefully!) be easier than it’s been here. i’m hoping normal not expensive skype will be an option! yay!!

i’m really sad about having to leave the friends i’ve made here in masi for two months… really for a long time because after Zanzibar i will soon be headed back to the states for awhile. sometimes it’s hard to leave people because you think they need you. there is incredible need here; but really it’s going to be hard to leave people because i love them. i know that they don’t need me. God was here before i was and he’ll remain after i’m gone.

i heard a wise man talk about how often people end up in care-giving professions or vocations because they’re addicted to being needed. we can’t really love selflessly or empower people to act out of their true identity and worth until we let go of needing them to need us. in a way i think it will be really good for some of the people i’ve been meeting with that i won’t be there for awhile.

ministry is God’s people being used by God to answer the prayers of the lost. and for as far as we’ve come in ministry working through social justice issues, family and marital problems and everything else it’s time for the people we’ve been pouring into to stand on the foundation we’ve been building. if they can’t stand without me then they really haven’t grown and it’s good to know that now so we can start approaching things differently in the future. if they have grown then they’ve also learned to feed themselves so to speak and i’ve worked myself out of a job. that’s my hope here… work myself out of a job and into a family.

my favorite breakthrough this week was getting to see eric (the man who was just left by his wife because he was abusing her) really see some breakthrough in having inner-peace. hearing him share what the word has been speaking to him and the freedom he’s experienced was incredible. when i first met him he was so hard, and now he’s so humble. he finally forgave himself for what he’d done and he forgave his wife for leaving him. he’s currently pursuing making himself into a husband worth coming home to and respecting his wife by giving her the space she’s asked for but pursuing still providing for his children while they are separate.

i can’t explain how rare it is to find an actual father in this place. hearing his heart for his kids will blow your mind and help you understand who God is. satan tried to immobilize him and disqualify him because he was struggling with anger, knowing that what this continent needs more than anything else is fathers. i’m struck by the fact that when i first met this man it took all of my self-control not to hit him in the face. i’m so quick to take justice into my own hands when really all the Lord has apportioned me to carry is grace.

may i never deem someone unworthy of hope.

another of my friends here finally opened up about the weight that she’s been carrying. after sharing some really hard stuff going on in her family she told us that she’s been considering suicide. we’ve been meeting with her more and more and really pouring worth and identity into her. please be praying for her as we leave, her name is Brenda. she’s the main one that i wish i really had more time with as i prepare to leave but i have to trust the truth that God has her and that his timing is perfect.

i don’t know why but it didn’t really hit me that i have to prepare to leave until today. i’m sad i’m leaving south africa. i’m excited for Zanzibar but i am going to miss this place and these people. life is anything but consistent here and i’m not sure which of these people i’ll see again when i return. still, i know love always leaves a trace and it is never in vain to love someone.

thanks for the emails this week, i was discouraged a few days and they really lifted my spirit. i miss you guys.

let us go where love isn’t tangible and stay until it is, till kingdom come.

finally i have pictures for you! this is a small glimpse of my life, but i’m glad i get to show you this side because this is such a huge part of african culture. we had a soccer tournament today at the fields just up the road from my house. these are the mountains i live next to and run by. if you keep going another 2 km up the road you get to the beach at the base of them.

we arrived to a rainbow and old friends this morning. there were 6 teams from the three townships we work in, a team from over the mountain somewhere, and our CPx boys of course.

here is the link to the slideshow: http://www.flickr.com/photos/48751156@N03/show/

a fun masi story for the week is of my friend veronica. veronica is the sangoma (witchdoctor) who the Lord gave me a prophetic word for. after that experience she has been so hungry to know more about this God who speaks to his people. we found out this week that she is about your average power-level sangoma, but that her husband is one of the most powerful sangomas in the cape. (i know that spirituality like this seems foreign to the americans reading this but it is blatant here. there are people who have taken hold of the power of God and there are people who have taken hold of the power of satan. sangomas are the latter of the two. its actually so serious that normally unless the Lord almost audibly tells you to minister to a sangoma you just don’t because you get so attacked spiritually and sometimes physically when you do.) but ANYWAY back to the story :)

veronica was pregnant but having complications with her baby. she was almost two weeks past her due date and the doctors told her she would have to have a c-section. she asked us to pray that she would be able to have her baby normally. we prayed with her and that night she went into labor and had a perfectly healthy child. her husband was so amazed at the answer to our prayers that he joined our time together friday and told us we should come to his house everyday.

ok seriously picture a HUGE powerful african sangoma who is not a nice man (openly cheats on his wife, etc.) who has made it VERY clear that he only tolerates us in his house because of his wife, sitting on the edge of his chair practically devouring the bible and asking us to come everyday. it’s nuts! my life is nuts.

also i’m going to zanzibar on april 22 for 8 weeks. seriously google it, i’ll probably be staying near stone town and the pictures will blow your mind. this will be my first time to get to be in an unreached muslim country. i seriously could not be more excited! technically it’s only 97% percent muslim because 3% of the population on the main island is foreigners but less than 1 tenth of 1% are born again believers. man, even typing this i feel like my blood pressure is going up because i’m pumped about it.

ok guys, sorry this is sort of scattered! i hope you’re having a great weekend.

wish you were here. 

i’m sitting on my top bunk on a lazy windy cape town afternoon thinking that it’s time to break the two week blog silence i’ve subjected you to.

it’s hard to even think what to write because at the moment i’m just feeling really content. i’m learning that i can be unsatisfied and content at the same time. unsatisfied in the sense that every day i’m meeting people who i’m contending for. i’m coming against poverty, complacency, circumstance, and fear and i will not be satisfied until i see the Lord come in tangible ways that overthrow the chains holding people down. i won’t be satisfied until i see lives restored, the destitute empowered, and communities redeemed.

and yet, i’m content. i see God moving. people are being healed, relationships and broken families are being restored, people are coming into real relationship with their maker. there is peace and rest in being unsatisfied because i have complete faith that complete redemption is coming and i’m overjoyed at what the Lord is doing. i’m joyfully and wholeheartedly crying out for more.

i’ve always thought of myself as a fighter, and it’s true. i’ve always been strong willed, stubborn, passionate, and honestly pretty defensive. i’ve been subtle in the ways that i’ve protected myself but i have fought so many battles out of my own selfish strength and heart. there’s no peace in being this way. i’ve been someone who just fights for the sake of fighting. who fights for the fear that if i’m not fighting i’m going to lose my zeal and turn into one of those stereotypical people i’ve so despised who joins causes because it’s trendy and thinks that writing a check once a month excuses you from the guilt of ignoring God’s heart for the poor. in so many ways i’ve missed the point of what i thought i was fighting for.

but i’ve been learning.

i’ve been learning to take my guard down, to not fight out of fear but out of purpose. i’m making the transition from the scrappy little fighter girl i’ve been to having a warrior heart. those sound similar, so let me explain what i mean.

warriors are at peace in battle. it’s what they’re made for, trained for, and ready for. they’re fully submitted to their leaders; to follow them into any situation and to lay down their lives. they don’t fight pointless battles. every conflict they enter is to take new ground or defend what is rightfully theirs. they don’t fight alone. they learn their enemy. they have peace if their leader says to pull back because their first concern isn’t to fight, but to honor their king. they are faithful because they aren’t fighting for their own ends, but for the sake of something bigger than themselves. their identity is in what they’re for, not what they’re against. they don’t worry about small failures when as a whole they are finding greater victories. they’re free from being defined by the outcome of their battles, their identity is in living out the will of their king.

i’m learning to fight for the sake of the Kingdom, not to prove a point or prove myself. i’m learning to live for the sake of hope.

so fight the good fight with me my dear freaks, i miss you all.

“the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” –john 1:5

today i became quite frustrated with myself. what started this morning as a nagging ache in my thoughts blossomed to anger by the end of the day.

i’m angry because its been easy to be here.

it hit me today that i’ve been here enough times that i’m not struck by the poverty anymore. i don’t spend my free time working through all the things that are challenging me and raising questions in my heart. just as you grow a callous to something that rubs you over time, so have i thickened up. i can spend half my weeks in a slum, and half my weeks in a scenic paradise and think nothing different. i can pray with hungry people and ask God to provide them a way to feed themselves then return home to a meal and not thank Him for it. at what point did i begin to feel so entitled that this didn’t bring turmoil to my soul?

this was our day off and i went rock climbing. i went to the beach. i got coffee.
i got bored.

i probably would have continued in that if i hadn’t spoken to a dear friend of mine. she went to the clinic today and got tested for HIV. her tests came back positive.
her world just fell apart.

how has my heart missed the blaring fact that a third of the people here have AIDs?
they are struggling.
they are dying.

and i’m rock climbing?

forgive me if this is still raw, i’m processing these things as i type (so mom you don’t have to worry.) i’m not saying that we shouldn’t do things we love. i’m not saying we should walk around in despair. i’m saying we should walk around in passion. this world is broken and i’m ambling along whistling a tune and twirling the keys that unlock souls in bondage to lies, disease, and fear. where along the way have i lost the purpose in my step? i didn’t come to this country for a holiday, i came to bring hope.

if you know me at all you know that i often don’t know how i feel until i express it in some way, be that through art, writing, or anything else.

after hearing my friends news i sat down and wrote this poem; for sake of trying to convey what i’m feeling in a way that will be clear, i’ll share it with you.

3/1/2010

another day spent in delights of my heart far too easily pleased
the weariness of my restfulness toils my time
my joy oddly flowing forth from worthless things
my endeavors reduced to passionless mime

absent my anguish as masses surround
silent the hope cry for dwindling light
whence came the feeling of nothing around
affected none by their desperation of plight

oh awake in me you sluggish soul
come and be moved by powers greater than thy
breathe pulsing flesh onto me lamb of God
clothe new life on these bones so dry

let me not render useless the investment in me
find me moved to give the whole not in part
stifling is the air wind dost not stir
festering is the use of an unspent heart

today we went treasure hunting in masi and it was amazing. it’s incredible how smoothly things go when you’re being led by the holy spirit. first we went to a woman named veronica’s house because she fit 3 of our clues (woman with a white head scarf on, woman doing laundry, a white shack with a yellow washtub out front). upon going inside and talking with her we found out she fit another two clues, needing deliverance and joy.

the interesting thing about veronica is that she is a sangoma (a witchdoctor). we walked in and she starting crying and openly sharing what she’s struggling with. she feels so broken and alone, her husband is cheating on her and she’s about to have his baby. her family has gone through many tragedies and illness lately and she is feeling really hopeless. she got on her knees and asked us to pray for her. while we were praying the Lord starting telling me about some specific things in her life. i shared them with her to show her that God saw her and that he was near to her. her eyes got about as big as quarters and she started freaking out and calling me a prophet… i’ve never had a reaction like that from a witchdoctor, it was pretty tight. she wants to get her neighbors together and have us come back to pray with them all and read the bible together. we’re meeting with them on sunday.

also today we ran into Ali and went to talk with him and my other ethiopian muslim friends. we set up a time next thursday to meet and have them just talk to us about what they believe. i told them that we just wanted to listen to them, honor them, and apologize to them for how christians had treated them before and one of their jaws literally dropped. a man who had been rude to us before and who laughed while we were talking was suddenly quiet and then said that we could meet at his house. they say they haven’t met christians like us. when i hear how they’ve been treated i honestly wonder if they’ve met anyone who really knows my Jesus and his love. 

we found another 3 people who fit the rest of our clues and had really amazing interactions with them… two of them want to gather their friends and family and have us come do simple church with them. i could tell you all of their stories but then this post would be REALLY long. just know that basically today felt like one of the most fruitful days of my life.

there is so much to say and so few words to try and express it. to lay the groundwork of understanding for future updates this will probably be long, bear with me. so much is going on both in what we’re doing and in what’s being done to my heart so i’ll break this update into the tangible and the intangible.
 

tangible:

i’m working in an area of masi i’ve never been to before. the reason for that is simply that it didn’t exist until the government displaced people from their homes about 5 months ago. the displaced were forced to put up shacks on the outskirts of the township on the rocky ground where there is no vegetation and the cape wind drives sand and small rocks into your skin at about 30 miles per hour. the area is called makhaya ngoku (pronounced like mah-khaya (like kayak) in-go-coo) which literally translates to “new houses.” i’m struck by the dryness of the place, it’s so opposite to the wetlands where i’ve worked before. many of the people feel dry there too… they are tired, worn, out of work, and weary.

i went on my first treasure hunt with my team there this week. (for those of you who aren’t familiar with treasure hunts, we just ask the Holy Spirit who he wants to bless that day, write down clues that he tells us about people, and then try to find them.) the Lord put a picture of  a woman with a blue head wrap on my heart and the name Zukhanyo. she ended up being the second woman i met upon entering makhaya ngoku and we had an impromptu bible study in her home with her husband and their neighbor. she’s about 8 ½ months pregnant and so tired. i spent a good portion of that afternoon just sitting with her helping her clip her toe nails and do other things that are hard when you’re that pregnant.

one of my team members here is a pastor from Ethiopia named Tesfaye; out of respect we all just call him pastor. he and i met a family of Ethiopian shopkeepers who have opened a small store at the entrance of makhaya ngoku. they’re muslim and they’re from a group of fundamentalists known for persecuting Christians that live about 60 km from his village in Ethiopia. we set up plans to meet to read the bible and the Qur’an and pray together. they’ve had a lot of horrible experiences with Christians and have been taught to hate them. i’m so excited to just sit and listen to them, to value and honor them and to apologize in the name of Jesus for what’s been done to them in the name of Jesus. i want to be the tangible revelation of God’ heart for them. honestly, all i want to do is wash their feet. i can’t even explain how i feel the Father’s heart burn with love for them.

we only get to spend 3 days a week in the townships. besides our day off, the other days start at 6 am and are spent in the classroom. so much of what we’re learning challenges and slightly overwhelms me. i’ve gotten a lot better at climbing trees because that’s the place where i get the best alone time and i spend a couple hours after the teachings are done at the top of the biggest tree on our property looking out over the ocean and the mountains processing everything i’ve just heard. it’s amazing the lengths you’ll go to for alone time when you live with 43 other people.

intangible:

remember the example i gave of how i feel like i’m a house under construction? the theme continues. i’m realizing how immature i’ve been in the area of obedience. i’m really passionate and a “goer” so anytime my heart gets burdened for something its like i forget everything i’m committed to and i’m itchy until i get to go try and do something about it. this normally ends in me making a mess of things. anybody remember 2 years ago when i came home from cape town and told everyone i was dropping out of college to move there? exactly what i’m talking about.

the Lord’s been showing me that because of that immaturity in my heart he hasn’t been able to trust me to hold the plans and dreams and visions he has for my life because i would go crazy and jump the gun and get in way over my head. he told me this week that the walls of my house have to be obedience. being fully submitted to the Lord has to dictate what enters and leaves my life. obedience to him has to control what i’m standing on and what i’m supporting, otherwise everything will get out of balance and collapse.

i want to only be content if i’m sitting right smack dab in the middle of his will, valuing his presence over his purpose and seeking obedience over direction.

my heart has been growing for unreached people groups and muslims. at first this seemed like a weird tangent from the direction my heart has always gone (for the forgotten, broken, lonely, and poor). however, when i brought this to the Lord he gave me some perspective. this isn’t merely a fling of my affections. when i take a step back further and see things from a zoomed out perspective these are the people that the church has forgotten and given up on; these people are a part of God’s heart that no one’s been willing to carry. his arms stretch plenty far enough to go around them but no one has been willing to be his hands in these places. this is honestly just a deeper level of the heart that God put in me.

so whether i’m holding an orphan, sitting in a leper colony, leaving my home to pour into a community whose government has forsaken them, or praying with fundamentalist muslims it is all movement in the same direction of my heart.

please be praying for more revelation and more of God’s presence. i’ve learned that i hate spiritual conversations and actions that aren’t full of the Holy Spirit. without him they are a waste. pray for Zukhanyo and more accurate leadings from God’s heart for his people. pray for Ali and his family and the muslim community in masi.
pray that we’ll be changed.

this is the second day of our first week in full swing and i am already overwhelmed. the way i see so many things is being shaken. my idea of church, my relationships, my God, my purpose, my passion, my life… in short myself. 

the picture that i’ve been explaining to people to help them understand where i’m at is this: the Lord built a foundation in my life. on that foundation i built a house of the life that i thought i wanted, but it wasn’t what God wanted for me. he had to smash me all the way down to my foundation to make room to build in me the life he made me for. 

so i am under construction. it is loud and messy and i don’t know what this house will look like. so far all i know is that i want to be the Lord’s hands when his arms are having to reach the farthest. i want to be the one who is willing to carry the parts of his heart that others refuse. his heart for the hard places, for the far places, for the places that seem without hope. 

i continue to get overwhelmed when i seek direction and purpose. i have a thirst for security and somehow it seems that knowing those things will give me a safe place to stand. but when that is my aim i feel dry and inadequate. i’m learning to seek obedience over direction and God’s presence over His purpose. may i never forget that i’m made for the Lord, if i’m not a worshiper of his heart then i am nothing. 

i feel so challenged to know the Lord for myself. to know his word for myself. to seek his face for myself. it surprised a good friend of mine awhile ago that i had never read the entire bible. now it surprises me too. the Lord is the only thing of worth in this life, why have i been satisfied with knowing him only in part? 

as i start to ponder this and all the implications it will have on the direction and events of my life, i’m content in a line from a song that one of my dearest friends wrote:
the only safe place is in His heart.  

hey guys my brother is in haiti right now doing emergency medical relief, here is a forward of his first update. i’d really appreciate it if you’d be praying for him too and my parents as they get used to their kids being in some pretty intense situations.

Hey guys!

Just wanted to let u know we just got done with a driving tour of the area. It’s unbelievable. I took some pictures and videos but you can’t really describe it. We went past the national nursing school that collapsed killing all 300 students. There are tent cities everywhere with self appointed governments and leaders so each place has a different feel. We have 2 security guards and 2 armed policemen assigned to us at all times and we feel super safe.  The Haitians we’ve interacted with have all been believers who feel God has used this earthquake to draw the nation closer to Him. They have actually declared this weekend a national prayer and fasting weekend and we saw impromptu prayer and worship services everywhere we went. I don’t agree with the Haitians who say God did this to punish them, but it’s so good to see at least some positive things happening. It helps soften the sting of seeing a man who refuses to leave his house because his 8 children are buried underneath and he has no one to help him dig their bodies out. Tomorrow well be staring our clinic around noon and working for a couple hours. The majority of what were going to see is basic medical care with a few surprises thrown in there to keep it interesting :). I’ll try to email an update each day. Big thanks to ATT for providing free cell and data service here to help with relief efforts. Please feel free to forward this to anyone u think would find it interesting.

Love u all

David